Tuesdays with Morrie: an old man, a young man, and life’s greatest lesson
By Mitch Albom
P35
“Well, for one thing, the culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. We’re teaching the wrong things. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don’t buy it. Create your own. Most people can’t do it.”
P40
“Love wins. Love always wins.”
P43
“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”
P52
“The most important thing in life is learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
P57
“I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life […]”
“How useful it would be to put a daily limit on self-pity. Just a few tearful minutes, then on with the day.”
P61
“Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too—even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.”
P71
Koppel imagined the two men together one day, one unable to speak, the other unable to hear. What would that be like?
“We will hold hands,” Morrie said. “And there’ll be a lot of love passing between us. Ted, we've had thirty-five years of friendship. You don’t need speech or hearing to feel that.”
P91
If you don’t have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don’t have much at all. Love is so supremely important. As our great poet Auden said, ‘Love each other or perish.’
P92
“Sure, people would come visit, friends, associates, but it’s not the same as having someone who will not leave. It’s not the same as having someone who will not leave. It’s not the same as having someone whom you know has an eye on you, is watching you the whole time.
This is part of what a family is about, not just love, but letting others know there’s someone who is watching out for them. It’s what I missed so much when my mother died—what I call your ‘spiritual security’—knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work.”
Raising a family was one of those issues on my little list—things you want to get right before it’s too late.
P93
There is no experience like having children. That’s all. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children.
P118
“Mitch, I embrace aging.”
Embrace it?
“It’s very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty-two, you’d always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-two. Ageing is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s also the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.”
Yes, I said, but if ageing were so valuable, why do people always say, “Oh, if I were young again.” You never hear people say, “I wish I were sixty-five.”
He smiled. “You know what that reflects? Unsatisfied lives. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven’t found meaning. Because if you've found meaning in your life, you don’t want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can’t wait until sixty-five.
P120
“Mitch, it is impossible for the old not to envy the young. But the issue is to accept who you are and revel in that. This is your time to be in your thirties. I had my time to be in my thirties, and now is my time to be seventy-eight.
“You have to find what’s good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And, age is not a competitive issue.”
P120
“The truth is, part of me is every age. I'm a three-year-old, I'm a five-year-old, I'm a thirty-seven –year-old, I'm a fifty-year-old. I've been through all of them, and I know what it’s like. I delight in being a child when it’s appropriate to be a child. I delight in being a wise old man when it’s appropriate to be a wise old man. Think of all I can be! I am every age, up to my own. Do you understand?”
P127
“…finding a meaningful life…Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. You notice there’s nothing in there about a salary.”
P128
“Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, you won’t be longing for somebody else’s things. On the contrary, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back.”
P134
“…Do you ever hear my voice sometimes when you’re back home? When you’re all alone?...”
Yes, I admitted.
“Then you will not forget me after I'm gone. Think of my voice and I’ll be there.”
Think of your voice.
“And if you want to cry a little, it’s okay.”
P135
I came to love the way Morrie lit up when I entered the room. He did this for many people, I know, but it was his special talent to make each visitor feel that the smile was unique.
When Morrie was with you, he was really with you. He looked you straight in the eye, and he listened as if you were the only person in the world.
“I believe in being fully present,” Morrie said. “That means you should be with the person you’re with…”
P148
In this culture, it’s so important to find a loving relationship with someone because so much of the culture does not give you that. But the poor kids today, either they’re too selfish to take part in a real loving relationship, or they rush into marriage and then six months later, they get divorced. They don’t know what they want in a partner. They don’t know who they are themselves—so how can they know who they’re marrying?
P149
“There are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don’t respect the other person, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don’t have a common set of values in life, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike. And the biggest one of those values, Mitch?”
Yes?
“Your belief in the importance of your marriage.”
P154
“People are only mean when they’re threatened and that’s what our culture does. That’s what our economy does. Even people who have jobs in our economy are threatened, because they worry about losing them. And when you get threatened, you start looking out only for yourself. You start making money a god. It is all part of this culture. Which is why I don’t buy into it.”
P155
“Here is what I mean by building your own little subculture. I don’t mean you disregard every rule of your community. I don’t go around naked, for example. I don’t run through red lights. The little things, I can obey. But the big things—how we think, what we value—those you must choose yourself. You can’t let anyone—or any society—determine those for you.”
“Take my condition. The things I am supposed to be embarrassed about now—not being able to walk, not being able to wipe my ass, waking up some mornings wanting to cry—there is nothing innately embarrassing or shaming about them. “
“It’s the same for women not being thin enough, or men not being rich enough. It’s just what our culture would have you believe. Don’t believe it.”
P156
Why didn't you move to some place not as selfish as America?
“Every society has its own problems. The way to do it, I think, isn't to run away. You have to work at creating your own culture. Look, no matter where you live, the biggest defect we human beings have is our short-sightedness. We don’t see what we could be. We should be looking at our potential, stretching ourselves into everything we can become.”
P157
“In the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive, right? But here’s the secret: in between, we need others as well.”
P163
“Be compassionate and take responsibility for each other. If we only learned those lessons, this world would be so much better a place. Love each other or die.”
P164
“There is no point in keeping vengeance or stubbornness. These things I so regret in my life. Pride. Vanity. Why do we do the things we do?”
P166
“it’s not just other people we need to forgive, Mitch. We also need to forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done. You can’t get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened. That doesn't help you when you get to where I am…Make peace. You need to make peace with yourself and everyone around you. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Don’t wait, Mitch. Not everyone gets the time I'm getting. Not everyone is as lucky.”
P174
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
P175
“…Once you get your fingers on the important questions, you can’t turn away from them. As I see it, they have to do with love, responsibility, spirituality, awareness. And if I were healthy today, those would still be my issues. They should have been all along.”
P178
“In business, people negotiate to win. They negotiate to get what they want. Maybe you’re too used to that. Love is different. Love is when you are as concerned about someone else’s situation as you are about your own. “
“You've had these special times with your brother, and you no longer have what you had with him. You want them back. You never want them to stop. But that’s part of being human. Stop, renew, stop, renew.”
P190
None of us can undo what we've done, or relive a life already recorded. But if Professor Morris Schwartz taught me anything at all, it was this: there is no such thing as “too late” in life. He was changing until the day he said good-bye.
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2007년 싱가포르 교환학생이었을 때 사서 읽은 책.
침대에 누워서 보다가 책 사이에 끼워뒀던 장미꽃잎들이 내 얼굴 위로 떨어졌다. 언제 이런걸 끼워뒀었지?
그때는 이 책을 읽고나서 어떤 생각을 했었는지 궁금하다. 그때 쓴 글은 어디에 있나?
고등학교 때 수영이랑 정성들여 썼던 우리의 교환 일기장은 도대체 어디로 갔지?
우리의 추억과 그림들이 담겨있는 그 일기장.. 아무리 찾아도 없다.
내 어린 날의 기억 한 조각이 사라져버린 것 같아 슬프다.
